“He just doesn’t get it.” “He doesn’t know how to nurture.” “He’s too stubborn and hard headed.” I get it, I’m a man and we do nurture differently than you. Ladies, the greatest mistake you can make though, is marginalizing the man in your family.
Ladies this article is just for you. You are the nurturer and the caretaker of your home. Your soft gentle nature makes you the one your child runs to when they fall down. When they hurt because someone was mean to them, you hold them and console them.
I’ve seen it too many times. Dad is talking to child after a fall or a tough encounter and mom rushes in to console her baby. I’m sure he probably said something like, “Rub some dirt on it. It’ll be okay.” What is that? That’s not nurturing your child!?
Maybe you see him playing with the kids a little rougher than you would like, or tossing them higher than you are comfortable with. It may not be your way of doing it, but all of these things serve a purpose.
It can be tempting to rush in when your husband is helping, playing with, or consoling the child in his own way (a.k.a. not your way). When you do, it causes an unseen rift in the familial unit. This is part of the duality of creation: firm, straight forward, and maybe a little rougher from a father, and soft and nurturing from the mother.
There are 3 specific ways you harm your family when you marginalize the man in your family.
You Take Away His God Given Role In Creation
When you marginalize your husband by taking away the opportunity for him to be present in his own way in your child’s life, you take away his God given ability to impact them from his side of creation. Men and women have a role to play, and they each must be allowed to play that role.
Children have to learn and understand that the world is a tough place. Fathers provide a glimpse at the reality the world holds with their firm and rougher nature, while mothers (you) provide the softer side of creation, the nurturing side.
You Diminish His Will And His Role
When you sideline your husband’s approach to problem solving, playing, or helping in your child’s life, you diminish his will and his role not only as father, but as husband as well.
Why should he help in the future?
Why should he come to the rescue later?
If he knows that everything he does will be marginalized and pushed to the side because it’s not sensitive enough, nurturing enough, or it’s not done to a specific standard, his will and desire to do it in the future diminishes with each account.
Again, men and women each have a role to play in the home. The more men are marginalized, the more complacent they become. The more they hang out in the recliner.
You Heap Upon Yourself A Greater Burden
While it may not be the way you would do it, you are co-laborers together in marriage and in life. When you marginalize your husband’s ability and way of tending to your children you only heap a greater burden upon yourself.
Work together to handle problems with your children. There is a natural God given duality in creation that needs to be there. When you take that away because “mommy blog xyz” tells you that you need to nurture your children more, you are undermining God’s plan for not only creation, but families as well.
Now this is not a free pass to have Him do everything either. You each play a vital role in the mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health of your children.
Fight the temptation to rush in when your husband is not nurturing the way you think it should be done. He is doing it differently. He should be. Work together to establish boundaries, and create a home filled with balance.