I recently came out and explained why I don’t hug girls in a few of posts, on a similar note, I’ll explain why I don’t comment on the appearance of girls.
Some may see these policies as cold or uncaring, but on the contrary, I have these policies out of respect and what I hope is love. I’m not saying people are wrong if they act differently than me on these particular matters…just that I personally would not do what they do, and here is why.
Clarification: By saying, “I don’t comment on the appearance of girls,” I mean I don’t say if I think a girl is attractive or unattractive, certainly not to her face, and not to others if I don’t have to. In fact, I try not to even think to myself whether I think a girl is
attractive or not.
Anyway, getting to the point of this article, I try not to comment on the appearance of girls. This policy of mine was recently challenged by a very well-intentioned sister in the faith. I think she made some very good points, and she inspired me to give a more in-depth defense for this particular policy of mine.
I have been told, and personally observed, that girls want to be pretty. When a girl changes her profile picture on facebook, her other female friends are right on top of it, telling her how beautiful she is. Of course, being told you are pretty by members of your own gender only goes so far. Girls want guys to find them pretty. If girls do not think themselves pretty, this can lead to all kinds of emotional and psychological issues, or so I’ve been told. It is for this reason, that I have been advised to reassure my female friends that they are pretty.
I think telling girls they are pretty is not the solution to the emotional and psychological problems girls face today. I disagree that my telling a girl she is pretty is good for the girl (or me), which I will be addressing in upcoming posts.
In the meantime, a few questions for you:
Do you really believe that the internal is more important than the external? How do your actions support your belief?
Have you ever admired the physical appearance of someone in the opposite gender? Are your thoughts always wholesome and good for the other person? Or are they more focused on yourself?
How many people have you told outside your family that you find them good-looking or attractive?
Is it good for a guy friend to tell female friend that he finds her physically attractive? Is it good for a girl to tell a male friend that she thinks he’s physically attractive?