1) Lead in repentance.
As men, we have the tendency to be proud, competitive and stubborn. We do not want to “give in” and lose an argument. Real men lead through humility by being the first to acknowledge their own sin, pride and stubbornness (Proverbs 29:23). This will create a healthy, loving conduit for your wife to be led (Ephesians 5:25).
2) Lead by learning to love what she loves.
Often, men expect their wives to always follow them to the game, concert, or rodeo. Ask God to give you a liking for what she likes. Before I got married, I did not like figure skating, but my wife loves figure skating. I started watching it with her, going to competitions with her, and now I can say boldly, there’s nothing like a Scott Hamilton free skate! Learning to appreciate what gets her excited brings us closer together and shows her how much I care for her (Ephesians 5:28).
3) Lead in household management.
Wives, especially those with children, have a very difficult and often stressful job.MSN Money recently reported that based on the job responsibilities of a wife and mother, their annual salary would be $96,000 . My wife, at times, will not ask for help so it’s important for me to discern, pray, and analyze what my wife’s needs are. Because we have two young children, I recently set up a weekly system where trusted gals from the church watch our children for the morning or afternoon so that my wife can get a needed break and get errands done.
4) Lead by pointing to Jesus.
After teaching the marriage class for a number of years, the absolute top desire I’ve heard from every wife in their marriage (and quite frankly the biggest disappointment thus far in their marriage) is to be led to Jesus. Our wives desire to be encouraged in their prayer life, bible reading, taking a Sabbath, silence and solitude (Ephesians 5:26-27).
5) Lead by turning off technology.
The new AT&T commercial of the couple out to dinner where the man is sneaking peeks of the game on his phone is so funny because it’s so true of so many of us. Husbands come home from work and either turn on the TV or pull out their computer. When they go out on dates he’ll excuse himself to go to the restroom so he can check his email. Husbands, close the laptop, stop texting, and be more concerned with your wife’s status than people you barely know. Pursue her, communicate with her, and give her your undivided attention.
*Bonus: Lead with spontaneity.
A couple ideas of ways to surprise her:
• Hire someone to come clean the house while you two take a weekend away
• A love letter, a rose (or more), and you telling her “I’d marry you all over again.”
Tim Gaydos is the lead pastor of Mars Hill Downtown Seattle.