Author and Pastor Voddie Baucham Jr. has come out with a new book entitled,“What He Must Be…if He Wants to Marry My Daughter” published this year by Crossway. It is a provocative and effective vantage point from which to view biblical manhood.
Baucham begins with a call for a multi-generational understanding of the task of raising godly men. He wisely acknowledges the role our ancestry can have on our moral character – for good or for ill. With heart-wrenching statistics such as “fatherlessness is the number one cause of poverty in America” (p. 22) and with abundant personal and painful revelation from his own extended family, Baucham makes a compelling case for seeing our families as bends in a long river, rather than secluded little ponds.His second chapter dives into the meat of his message. Here he aims to persuade his reader, against many cultural and sinful forces, that marriage is indeed ‘the preferred state.’ First, because it serves as the very best preparation for the next generation. The human condition: all nations, peoples and tribes in all places and times, is well-served by the institution of marriage. Singleness can be unduly romanticized and over-spiritualized in our day and even in our churches.
Moreover, marriage is preferable because it forges the character of young men who will lead the church. Here Baucham draws upon 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 in which church leaders are called “manage their household well.” He reasons that if a man’s ability to lead the church is informed by his ability to lead his home, the norm is for him to have a home to lead!
Marriage is to be preferred, thirdly, because it becomes a means by which young men can best emulate our Lord Jesus Christ. Even though a surface reading of Christ’s life notes his singleness, Baucham points to Christ’s eternal marriage to his Bride, the Church (Revelation 19:7-8). Indeed, Christ is our heavenly husband and thereby becomes the supreme exemplar for husbands everywhere (Ephesians 5:25).
Baucham summarizes this substantive chapter with this thought:
“Marriage is thus a great and honorable estate through which we have an incredible opportunity to grow in grace and godliness. Marriage is a ministry. It is an institution ordained by God through which he intends to gain glory. It is this attitude we must instill in coming generations” (p. 46).
In his third chapter, Baucham speaks pointedly to fathers about fatherhood. He calls fathers to emulate the virtues of Old Testament patriarchy. He gives six tasks godly fathers must accomplish for their daughters: 1) protect their virginity; 2) help guide them toward a suitable husband; 3) ensure her security by providing a kind of financial dowry; 4) protect his daughter from rash vows; 5) providing security for her if a marriage fails; and finally, instruct her in the Scriptures.Acknowledging the daunting nature of the task, Baucham boldly calls fathers to this kind of protective gospel patriarchy. He rightly warns against a meritorious motive, but urges deep reliance upon God who “works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).
These first three chapters are really the scaffolding of the vision for raising godly young men who are worthy of marrying a daughter such as his. The specifics of what characteristics a marriage-worthy young man should posses will be laid out tomorrow. With characteristic clarity and insight, Baucham challenges his readers to think biblically about ordering their home-life in a marriage-friendly fashion.
As the father of two sons and two daughters, the very title of Voddie Baucham Jr.’s new work What He Must Be…If He Wants to Marry My Daughter (Crossway) captured my attention immediately. I’ll admit, when it comes to teaching God’s Word to my family, the clarity, directness and downright “oughtness” of such language as “he must” appeals to me deeply. Given the title and knowing the author’s reputation for sound doctrine and solid biblical application, my initial thought was something along the lines of the standard book blurb, “Every father must read this.” And Voddie did not let me down.
Yesterday, Gender Blog examined the first three chapters of What He Must Be, all of which serve as the foundational framework for proving the book’s thesis: all fathers have a God-given responsibility to see to it that their daughters marry well and that their sons are prepared to be Christ-honoring, Ephesians 5 husbands.
Chapters 4-8 provide the sort of clear-headed biblical guidance that a Christian father like me so desperately needs in order to raise children to understand their glorious God-given roles within the family.
In Chapter 4, Baucham asserts the first of five “He musts,” this one the most critical: If he wants to marry my daughter, he must be a Christian. That is, as a father, my responsibility is to see to it that my daughter does not marry a non-Christian. Baucham even deals with arguments against this basic biblical teaching taken from his years in the pastorate, arguments that Christian women use to pursue marriage with a non believer such as “He is the answer to prayer” and “He treats me better than the Christian men I’ve dated.” But this is non-negotiable, as the Scripture makes clear, Baucham writes: “Everything a young man must be in order to be worthy of a young Christian woman flows from the saving work of God. Thus, faith in Christ is the linchpin in the entire argument…Marriage to an unbeliever must not be considered an option.”
In Chapters 5 and 6, Baucham argues that suitors for the hearts of our Christian daughters must be prepared to lead a family and he must lead like Christ. A Christian man must stand firm on Scripture’s affirmation of his loving headship, Baucham argues, in the face of a feminist culture that seeks to undermine it. Affirming this teaching and seeking to live it out according to the Bible, prepares a man to lead, he asserts. Ephesians 5 provides the clearest expression of how a man is to exercise headship-by loving his wife as Christ loves the church, Baucham points out. In his colorful and lively writing style, Baucham points out that neither a misogynist nor a passive leader is consistent with Ephesians 5:
[In Ephesians 5], the apostle Paul paints a picture of headship that erases any doubt as to whether gospel headship relegates women to second-class status. In fact, the type of headship outlined in this critical passage makes it clear that God is intent on women being held in the highest esteem. Unfortunately, for many men the concept of headship is a complete mystery. They either fold under the pressure of the feminist ideology that dominates the culture, or they overreact to it and validate the criticism levied against complementarians. Somewhere in the middle is a beautiful symbiotic balance where men and women fulfill their God-ordained roles and simultaneously give to one another that which each desires most.
Baucham argues in chapter 7 that a Christ-centered future husband must be committed to having children and in chapter 8, he outlines the four “P’s” which must typify a young man who is prepared to enter holy matrimony: He must be a protector, a provider and a prophet/priest. The book concludes with a chapter that makes this a book equally valuable for fathers who have no daughters but are raising future men: “If you can’t find one…build one.” That is, fathers must raise their sons to be protector, provider, prophet, priest in their homes. Fathers must also be intimately involved in shepherding their daughters in finding a godly husband, an idea, Baucham admits, that is both radical and countercultural within a hyper-individualistic, rights-driven society.
Voddie Baucham has given local churches an incredible helpful and insightful gift with this new book. Fathers, read this book, and begin building upon the granite of God’s Word, godly sons and daughters-future husbands and wives-who will themselves go and build Gospel-centric families who will glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
You can order the book here from Amazon. 
