We’ve written quite a bit about sexual assault on the Resurgence because it is a huge issue (1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men have been or will be assaulted during their lifetime). Heartbreakingly, many of the victims of this epidemic are children: 15% of those assaulted are under age 12, and 29% are between ages 12 to 17. Girls between the ages of 16 and 19 are four times more likely than the general population to be victims of sexual assault. Here are eight ways you as a parent can protect your children from sexual abuse.
1. EXPLAIN TO YOUR CHILD THAT GOD MADE THEIR BODY.
An explanation can look something like, “Every part of your body is good, and some parts of your body are private.”
2. TEACH PROPER NAMES OF PRIVATE BODY PARTS.
It might be uncomfortable at first, but use the proper names of body parts. Children need to know the proper names for their genitals. This knowledge gives children correct language for understanding their bodies, for asking questions that need to be asked, and for telling about any behavior that could lead to sexual abuse.
Clearly identify for your child which parts of their anatomy are private. Explain to your child that “some places on your body should never be touched by other people—except when you need help in the bathroom, or are getting dressed, or when you go to the doctor.” You can do this with young children during bath time or have your child dress in a bathing suit and show them that all areas covered by a bathing suit are “private.” The bathing suit analogy can be a bit misleading because it fails to mention that other parts of the body can be touched inappropriately (like mouth, legs, neck, arms), but it is a good start for little ones to understand the concept of private parts.
3. INVITE YOUR CHILD’S COMMUNICATION.
Let your child know they can tell you if anyone touches them in the private areas or in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable (even areas not covered by the bathing suit)—no matter who the person is, or what the person says to them. Assure your child they will not be in trouble if they tell you they’ve been touched inappropriately—rather, you will be proud of them for telling you and will help them through the situation.
4. DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN GOOD TOUCH AND BAD TOUCH.
Be clear with adults and children about the difference between OK touch and inappropriate touch. Most of the time you like to be hugged, snuggled, tickled, and kissed, but sometimes you don’t and that’s ok. Let me know if anyone—family member, friend, or anyone else—touches you or talks to you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Teach little ones how to say “stop,” “all done,” and “no more.” You can reiterate this by stopping immediately when your child expresses that they are all done with the hugging or tickling. Your reaction is noteworthy for them as it demonstrates they have control over their bodies and desires.
If there are extended family members who may have a hard time understanding your family boundaries, you can explain that you are helping your children understand their ability to say no to unwanted touch, which will help them if anyone ever tries to hurt them. For example if your child does not want to kiss Grandpa, let them give a high five or handshake instead.
5. DON’T ASK YOUR CHILD TO MAINTAIN YOUR EMOTIONS.
Without thinking, we sometimes ask a child something along the lines of, “I’m sad, can I have a hug?” While this may be innocent in intent, it sets the child up to feel responsible for your emotions and state of being: “Mom is sad . . . I need to cheer her up.” If someone wanted to abuse a child they might use similar language to have the child “help” them feel better and the child might rationalize it as acceptable if this is something they do innocently with you.
6. THROW OUT THE WORD “SECRET.”
Explain the difference between a secret and a surprise. Surprises are joyful and generate excitement, because in just a little while something will be unveiled that will bring great delight. Secrets, in contrast, cause isolation and exclusion. When it becomes customary to keep secrets with just one individual, children are more susceptible to abuse. Perpetrators frequently ask their victims to keep things “secret” just between them.
7. IDENTIFY WHOM TO TRUST.
Sit down with your kids and talk about whom you and they trust. Then give them permission to talk with these trustworthy adults whenever they feel scared, uncomfortable, or confused about someone’s behavior toward them.
8. REPORT SUSPECTED ABUSE IMMEDIATELY.
You’ve read these steps, now consider yourself an advocate against childhood sexual abuse. Report anything you know or suspect might be sexual abuse. If you don’t, it’s possible no one else will.
Article from The Resurgence Blog
These are very essential tips to avoid sexual abuse to the children. Parents have the responsibility to protect their kids from the harm caused by sexual abuse.
sexual abuse attorney los angeles
Family lawyers in Perth would always say that the role of the parents is very important on issues such as sexual abuse. Proper parenting and being a good example to your children would make a difference on their outlook in life.
As a divorce lawyer in long island, it is important for me to be much concerned with the kids that are affected of their parents' divorce. They are not yet strong enough to handle this and it is important to protect them.
I still don't understand why the anatomical names are necessary at a young age. As long as they know everything has a name, the real names can be taught at a more age-appropriate time.
@DeanaThis is so they can tell you or any trusted adult (if you're not there) if someone has touched them wrongly. Using cutsie names for body parts may not be understood by the closest, safest adult in the moment. Plus abusers may be less likely to abuse if they see the child knows how to communicate about their body. Body part names are never age inappropriate.
Disagree. Pee-pee and Bottom are fairly obvious. You don't teach a child he has an esophagus, you say throat. You don't teach navel, you say bellybutton. Same difference.
@Deana – I understand where you're coming from. Your examples are fairly obvious but I have a friend who taught her daughter to call her private area a "peach". In court, the correct terminology would be required so there is no confusion about what was touched inappropriately. My girls (6 & 2) have been taught the proper terms but they also say hoo-hoo and bum. I think it's our job as parents to teach this and be comfortable with it so our children are comfortable as well.
@Deana – also it is important because sometimes a users will teach children to call the parts something else. So it can also help to indicate the abuse if they begin calling their private area something cutesy, when they have previously been tought the correct terms. A few of my friends were abused sexually when they were little, and I know that with one of them the abuser tought her to refer to her privates as cupcake.
I agree but I would go further…I have had friends who were cornered by uncles and friend's dads and brothers. I monitor who my children are around at all times and I don't allow sleepovers.